Christen Gruebel

I'd be rich if I had a dollar for every time I was convinced I had single-handedly broken the Internet, only to have the office I.T. guy come to my desk and bring it all back online with one keystroke. It's happened more times than I should be willing to admit in a national publication.

The best urban legends revolve around some rather unsavory themes, don't they? Here's one more you might not have heard: "Golf" is actually an acronym for "Gentlemen Only, Ladies Forbidden." Not true.

WELCOME TO THE big show. That's right. You might want a front-row seat for this.

Like the rest of the population, we here at Promo Marketing love our chocolate. Sure, some of our consumption is "research," but really, when that three o'clock slump hits—nothing pacifies the staff quite like a little bit of the sweet stuff.

COME ON DOWN!

OK, don't get excited. No one in a sparkly blazer is actually calling you to be a contestant in this crazy bidding war we call the promotional products industry. Yet, it does feel a little like everyone's favorite game show sometimes, doesn't it?

GEAR HEADS AND tech junkies aside, we are a society that is collectively set in our ways. We like what we know.

SUP. ?4U. WUT do u kno about teens? probs not a lot. but whatever, right? um, no. OMG it’s, like, so your bad.

Let’s revisit, if you will, one of the most special and overwhelming times in a young person’s life: the tour de universities. Running around the country through various hallowed halls of learning is enough of a whirlwind, to be sure, but the most daunting part of it all has to be the variables involved. You might be able to briefly try each school on for size, but you won’t know if it truly fits until it’s been bought and paid for (first-semester transfers can testify to this).

SAVILE ROW, IN London, is Mecca for sartorially minded men, from Winston Churchill to James Bond. The street is filled with clothiers that specialize in “bespoke tailoring,” or the custom designing of suits per patrons’ specifications and measurements. The result? It’s not just an outfit—it’s a lifestyle. Say you bought your suit on Savile Row, and it will immediately conjure images of martinis, shaken not stirred; fast cars; and an exotic, glamorous life that has no place for off-the-rack garments. Simply, “custom” implies something special. So, why not put those thoughts to work when creating your next promotion?

Despite the tendency to “go big or go home” on the runways of New York’s Fall Fashion Week, it’s important to keep things in perspective. At least designers weren’t insisting we accessorize with a live snake or a headdress made out of bubble wrap. This time.

Go find a cardboard box. It can be square or rectangular. Then, grab a piece of paper (newspaper, wrapping paper, tissue paper, doesn’t matter). Wrap the box. Even those who, during the holiday wrapping bonanza, invariably find themselves covered in little scraps and pieces of tape—not to mention the proud giver of a misshapen, lumpy gift—will agree this is (conceptually) a fairly easy task.

Dinosaurs are extinct because they just didn’t make the natural selection all-star team. The behemoths might have been chosen for sheer muscle power, but honestly, they weren’t moving fast enough, and no amount of spring training can knock the evolutionary destiny out of a potential competitor.

Before you even ask, no, “X” will not be making a cameo on the following list. Why? Frankly, we don’t want to insult your intelligence by insisting that a xylophone is a summer-wardrobe necessity. Not to turn off all the xylophone enthusiasts out there, but it’s kind of hard to throw in a beach bag.
That omission aside, read on for an alphabetized list of styles, tips and information to help you create the perfect summer promotion.

If you love someone, set them free.”
This, the worst relationship cliché of all time, is routinely followed up by the brilliant logic, “If they don’t come back, they were never yours; but if they do, you own them for life,” blah, blah. Terrible. However, despite its existence on many a tween’s Facebook page, when taken out of the context of a tumultuous love affair, it’s strangely relevant in the realm of promotional products.

This is, by no means, a comprehensive list of what to do before conducting a site redesign (or even building a site from scratch, for that matter). However, based upon information from professional designers, marketing strategists and usability experts, it's a pretty good jumping-off point.

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